We have been silent for the past two weeks– but we have been busy. (Making a masterpiece is hard work.) After climbing mountains of garbage and shooting a Gambian model; entertaining hypnotists, Coney Island performers, and holy men; paying a crowd of people to get drunk on a Bushwick soundstage; and giving manicures to bongo players and goldfish crackers to children, it’s hard to know where to begin.
Jon Kane likes things a certain way. His cigarette lighter is twelve inches long, his terrycloth slippers are toeless, and the handcrafted trail mix in his studio is his own special recipe. His year-round Christmas lights are equipped with dimmers, his fridge is well-stocked with Fresca, and if you don’t let him merge on the freeway, he will calmly run into you with his car. Now he’s building a web presence, and he’s building it his way.
Jon Kane has requested a blog “In the style of Hemingway: short sentences. No fancy words.”It should be sensational and X-rated, but appropriate for twelve-year-old girls. The blog, which is to be an honest chronicle of opticnerve™antics that somehow avoids the censure of spurned lovers or nosy policemen, will recall a newspaper in structure.
Does this sound impossible? Jon Kane has been known to end a fight with a single punch. He wants a blog and we are going to give him one.
We have our setting. We have our lead character. We have a stockpile of modern day tall tales for you. But we haven’t picked our first story. We’ll find out what you want to hear first, then tell it to you the way that you like it best.
Generally speaking, what’s your poison? Most votes in each category wins.
Specific requests and questions will be addressed in the comments below.
Once we have your feedback, we are ready to move forward. The stories we’ll tell you over the next month range from the sweet and fanciful to the gruesome and macabre. There are orphaned baby birds, doorless helicopter rides over Manhattan, and parties even Caligula couldn’t have dreamed up (because they were so child-appropriate). At all times, it is important to remember that some of the names and places have been deranged. Or changed.