This page is in progress until the end of time.
Director, editor, DJ, professional Jack-of-All-Trades: JON KANE is the original quadruple threat. He grew up in Pittsburgh where, for fun, he used to wrap his hand up in an Ace bandage and sit on the front porch to make passing cars wonder. His childhood nickname, Jumbie, still sticks.
As a teenager, Jon read an article about ski-racing academies in Sports Illustrated and consequently spent the last two years of high school at Green Mountain Valley School in Vermont. Though a talented skier, Jon didn’t make it to the Olympics—but he did spend two months sleeping in the bathrooms of national parks while lost on a school bike trip along the west coast.
In college Jon designed his own major. This means he ran a radio station out of a castle, took a lot of photos, worked as a DJ, designed a magazine, and experimented with filmmaking. His senior thesis was a film called Collide-O-Scope; he graduated at the top of his class.
Soon, Jon Kane became Jon Kane Productions: an unstoppable force boasting an oversized checkbook with the image of a pig emblazoned on each check. For the next several years– in the early days of MTV– Jon continued to DJ and formed his own company, while doing a lot of work with seminal ad agency Fred/Alan.
Today, Jon is the man behind the curtain at opticnerve™. In his free time, he collects discarded Christmas trees, props them up in the snow in his backyard, and strings them with lights. He also enjoys shooting his BB gun and making art out of garbage. He drives a vintage 1976 Checker Marathon with no seatbelts or airbags and, though small in size, he has never lost a street fight.
PORK is an ex-graffiti artist with what he insists is a third nipple. He grew up in Queens near Creedmoor with a single mom and twelve cats. He likes to make art and sail boats. After a motorcycle accident in October of 2010, Pork woke up in Bellevue, where they told him he had been found somewhere on the side of the Brooklyn Queens Expressway. Now Pork walks with a cane, which is good for closing doors behind him. He hopes to one day grow more nipples.
SPILLS wants his bio to read “bio forthcoming,” but it doesn’t. He always brings his own lunch and his family came over on the Mayflower.
RONI is the youngest of five boys and boasts an Irish temper. His mother always called him The Banty Rooster and his father was a cop. Roni has gotten in some trouble over the years, but he’s more impressed by how much he’s gotten away with. During his senior year of high school he skipped seventh period every day for three months to steal the same BMW convertible from the school lot, cruise to the local Dunkin’ Donuts with the top down and return unnoticed by the time school let out. Roni’s own car at the time was an ’89 Honda Civic, good for knocking down trash cans, but not so glamorous.
THE CAPTAIN is too busy guiding our tiny ship across the treacherous seas of reality to tell us lies about his childhood.
RANG RANG never wears the proper footwear except when it’s 80 degrees and sunny. A handsome, bearded man in his early 20s, Rang stands 6’1” in socks and is irresistible to all women under the age of 17 and over the age of 40. Jon describes Rang Rang as “moody;” he likes to play guitar and sing. He still holds the record for long jump (22 feet) at the high school in his hometown.
ANONYMOUS prefers to remain that way. He goes by Anon for short. We will not describe his distinctive denim jacket in any detail.
NO-BODY is writing this blog. No-body knows.